My Ramble

There are a few things that are starting to fuck me off here. One I feel tired all the time. The continent is so extreme on your body I am certainly not having the lie down and relaxation I imagined! I have had skin irritations from the cold, stomach problems, trouble breathing and lethargy from the heat, cold, altitude. The weather is always extreme. I still have a cold and my hostel is bloody freezing at night! I have 2 or 3 hotties each night.

While I am having a gripe I am sick of sleeping with layers of clothes on and loads of blankets as well as the hotties, it can get quite claustrophobic. I feel old, tired, bored and restless. Aren´t I a barrel of laughs!!

I am little over travelling on my own because I am meeting fewer people at the moment. I have my own room because I couldn´t face a dorm room when I arrived in Cuzco. They are noisey, I lost my head torch so I can´t read and you can´t lock anything away.

On the streets there are people everywhere all the time which I also find tiring as I am so used to my own space in NZ. Nobody moves out of the way when you are walking towards them. They all walk 2, 3, 4 abreast and don´t merge, it is like playing chicken 50,000 times a day!

The heat is wonderful but it is always very hot and in the evening it is freezing, I am never just walm which I miss. I also miss jandals and sleeping in just my undies. I miss my sister, my parents, my friends, old work collegues and my things.

Having said that I am seeing the most amazing things, meeting wonderful locals and truely getting the freedom I craved. But sometimes it would be nice to share somethings with loved ones. I miss real conversations, sure I have met people along the way. Great, fun people but you don´t really know each other. Sure some of the barriers and broken down and everyone is friendly but it is not as authentic as experiences you have with loved one´s. I miss sharing a great joke or moment with the special people in my life.

It doesn´t help that I don´t feel myself at the moment, still stagnant, lethargic and low on energy. My optimism is low too which is unusal for me. I am worried about the loneliness getting too big beacause I am missing human contact. This may mean I leave earlier than planned. I still have a few people to meet up with and hopefully more people to meet, where are you guys??

I am doing MachuPechu on my own for fuck sake, am sure it is one of the 7 wonders of the world!! It will be just me and my gurgly tummy.

Cuzco is pretty expensive too. Well you can do it more cheaply than I am but sometimes one needs creature comforts. Most of the cheap rooms are dark, there is more risk of being robbed and cheaper food isn´t an option with my tummy.

The other thing I am sick of is worrying about being ripped off, robbed, given fake money and constantly looking after valuables - I am only one person. Nothing is safe and yet everything is safe. You get the good the bad and the ugly here. I have seen and heard all the stories. Appart from being overcharged massively twice and one attempted mugging i have been very positive and lucky. Even booking tours are hard. there are so many companies to choose from so many different stories. Even Lonely Planet doesn´t really stand behind any specific options. In fact it is a bit more like reading NW magazine these days. Vague, not much info on dangers and annoyances, pretty even tempered when it comes to descriptions of citys and towns. They need to grow some balls I say. They have too much of a monopoly and that has made them rich and lazy.

Man is that enough grumpy for one sitting? Am I too cynical? Too eager to be wowed and when I am not too disapointed? too hard on the opportunites here? Or just needing someone to bounce real authentic ideas off? People to share memories with who are not the idealistic Hippies with their peace, love and guitars that the travelling world is filled with?……………

I was in full altitude sickness land but didnt realize as I was asleep. I had altitude sickness in my dream and I was standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror and I realized I was pregnant. I thought man I am not in good shape, altitude sickness and pregancy sickness! I had a big bump about 6mths pregnant I think.

Next thing I was walking along the road and noticed that one of the gals from my old work had started her own business and was sharing an office with two other guys I used to work with. I thought I must drop in and say hi and show them my baby bump.

I had the baby (didn´t got to hospital just suddenly had a child in the house) it was this tiny baby but it was fluent in english and said `hey how are you doing?´. I was like what the fuck is going on that kid is freaky.

Then I decided that I better call my ex boyfriend and tell him that I had had our baby. That was it weird ha..

I arrived in San Pedro, Chile today. It is totally different to what I expected but amazing! It is a town literally in the desert, we drove through mountains and the border crossings were just shacks very cool! it is bloodly freezing now I am wondering how I am going to sleep! Our hostel doesn´t even have heating or a living room just the outside and your dorm arhhh. I am sharing with more boys bloody hell they are everywhere all the dorms are full of them and they snore.

Just had curry at a really cool retaurant and a really nice red wine for $8USD. The town looks like there is nothing here but small sheds or houses and dirt but then you go inside the restaurants and they have beautiful food, wine, fires (but even they don´t really take the chill off)!

I am going to book a 3 day jeep tour to leave the day after tomorrow to the salt flats and into Bolivia. Apparently it can get down to minus 10 and everyone ends up wearing everything they own, am so glad I packed thermals at the last minute. It is pretty expensive here but will try to get a few extra things I think to keep walm. It will be ok in the day just at night. Even thought it is cold everywhere I have been on my trip it rearly rains and is beautifully sunny everyday which is awesome, keeps the spirits up. Am loving my jacket right now too as it is working well in the cold.

It is just the sleeping I find hard. I am often cold or distracted by other people coming and going. Also I think that as it is day time in NZ when it is night I often don´t feel tired. I have been experiencing insomnia for the first time for a few nights which is frustrating but not too bad as I don´t have to get up early. May start napping in the afternoon soon and going out at night.

Also hopefully now I have found a decient internet cafe I can upload some more photo´s - it is so much easier to have your own laptop, I should have brought mine and NOT half the other shit I brought - arh well you never know these things do ya! All the boys I meet keep giving me shit as theirs are so much smaller but what do they know aye..

That´s all for today.

Adios

I am really proud of myself. Proud that I finally allowed myself to be free and that I having the trip I want for me on my own! I am trying everyday to stay true to me.  Often in my life when I meet people I loose myself a bit, adapt my life to suit theirs or their way of thinking. I have decided to try to focus on not doing that, on meeting people but still traveling on my own and having the trip the way I want to experience it.

I keep loosing things too which is very unlike me - my scarf (at a boys house), my head torch (the most amazing invention and a necessity in a dorm room) and money. I think this is part of this trip for me too. In order to really let go and be really free I have to let go of posessions, I can survive without them. Funny the money keeps coming back!!

It´s really nice getting to know myself more and actually apreciating my qualites. I have so much time to think about what I really want for me for my future. I am now convinced I want to learn to speak French fluently (which I have wanted for a while but was put off as I sucked at it in school). I would also like to live in France and work if I can. I have always loved the language, the food, Paris and the culture. I feel an enormous pull towards Europe and have wanted to live there for many years.

The freedom travel gives one´s mind is amazing. It changes you for the better. The beds here are old, the hostels are all different, people are noisey, the rooms and showers are unisex (thank god it is off peak), the people you meet from all over the world are amazing and some are anoying, the food, the climate and the local people are totally different. you grow, breathe, stop and enjoy your life without the mundane responsibilty of work, mortgages and chores. It is bliss, truely the most amazing gift I could give myself and I havewaited far too long to do it!!!

I  am not going to write the date in my posts anymore because I want to lose track of time completely if I can and I have never been that fussed about what year or date things happen. I am leaving Salta tomorrow at 7am which is going to hurt because I haven´t been up that early in dare I say it 1 whole month!!! The bus trip is only 8.5hrs which is the shortest one yet but I have my first border crossing and perhaps random searches to contend with so that will be a new experience!

Today Nick (my new English friend) and I climbed a large mountain it was around 100o steps! I am not even sure what it is called as my map is in Spanish and I don´t know the word for mountain but hey this is how I roll. Even though it was a cold day the sun was out and I walked in just a t-shirt and singlet and sweated a lot! It was pretty beautiful at the top and well worth the now sore legs.

I have really enjoyed Salta. I haven´t really done much but the usual - chill, eat and market shop but it has been great. I think the other travellers think I am strange because you can horse ride, bike, water raft, treak and there are loads of tours but I am happy just to find myself some more and relax. I am finding my not going out ot bars and doing loads of tours (I am not interested in) I am spending very little money which is great because the fees everytime I take out money are outrageous!!!

So everything worked out really well at the bus station and the locals were very helpful, just shows me aye!! However 18hour bus rides are not that fun especially when you don´t sleep much! Well I am here now and I like it a lot more than the last stop. It is more ethinic, but still has quite a European influence. There are so many yummy danishes and pizza, empanadas, I truelly love the food here but am glad I will be outta Argentina soon as I would be the size of a house if I lived here for ever! Everyday I say to myself more vegtables, less carbs but it never works…… I have always been a food junkie!

I am settling onto travelling more now, have my confidence back since the incident and starting to comuincate in Spanish.

Why did I leave it so long to leave work and take off? what an idot, most of the working holiday visas are not open to me anymore as I am too old! Arh well I will always have Aussie to make good money off and travel some more! Or I might  really meet Carlos and stay here. There are lot´s of French boys staying here olala love listening to French!!

Not much else to report, having a beer and some M&M´s will try to load some photo´s on Facebook and have a nice sleep…Oh have seen some amazing jewellery shops here so will have a scout around tomorrow.

I am still finding it hard to still my mind. I am leaving on the bus tonight to Saltaand I hate waiting around, infact I always get nervous before I travel anywhere. Especially tonight because my Spanish is so poor, sometimes the buses and destinations don´t come up on the board, they are called out in Spanish - good luck for me! I am trying to think- there will always another bus.

Another thing I am working on is trying to give all my possessions away in my mind and then I won´t fear loosing anything. If all my money and things are gone in my mind they are less important and I am less connected to them if they do get stolen. Also I am traveling on my own for the first time since I arrived. I am not fearful of this but worried about watching my stuff, being bored while waiting and locals staring at me travelling on my own. It may all work out better than I imagine more smoothly.

I am also trying to always stay true to myself, listen to myself more and stay present in the moment and not rush into the next thing. Try to make eye contact and be present with people because I have good vibes to offer and beautiful people to meet. I have met so many already. If I can keep practicing these simple things everyday and let go of all the bullshit control I have bestowed on myself, the perfectionism I have expected of myself and truely relax into life and it´s pleasures and the people in it I will have done what I came to do!!

The roof top terrace at this hostel has helped me to stay calm and has been an amazing place to think. Thankyou Hostel Empedrado, thankyou me!!

Yesterday Bjorn and I went out to the wine district here to ride bikes around the vineyards. I told him I wasn´t sure about riding a bike as I haven´t been on one for years and that I would be really slow. He said no problem he would ride slowly - bloody boys aye they always say shit like that and then do the opposite!

Anyway so we caught the local bus (which took about and hour to find a stop that the bus actually stopped at, even though the sign said they did!) to Mr Hugos bike rental place. Him and his wife were total characters and very welcoming. We met an English couple on the bus and they were doing the same thing so we rented the bikes with them.

Lets just say, I am far too old to smoke anymore cigarettes (which I have been over the last 2 weeks and am now quitting AGAIN), I haven´t been on a bike in about 12 years or longer and I am fucking unfit! The riding was flat but the pace was far too fast for me and I nearly died!

I was busting a gut sweating away at the back while the others looked like they were riding at a enjoyable pace for them. At one point they were specs in the distance. We were riding on a main road with trucks and buses roaring past and I wasn´t able to take in any of the scenery because I was madly focused on getting to the wine safely!

The scenery further into the wine district was lovely but when we started I was a little underwhelmed. The wine however was delicious! We also did a chocolate and olive tasting where we tried chocolate liquors, chocolate, olive oil and olive paste. These were amazing.

When we got back to My hugo´s we were offered unlimited (not so good) wine and everyone was overjoyed as Argentina had just won the soccer. We left after dark and it was freezing - luckily we only had to wait about 5mins for a local bus to take us home!

The four of us hadn´t eaten since breakfast so we set to looking for somewhere cheap to eat. That´s the thing about Argentina you can eat at the places you normally wouldn´t and not get sick and even though I am not a huge meat fan the meat here is really amazing! We found a local food court and ordered a large pizza and 12 empanadas to share. They are like a little pie or cornish pasty (delicious), I normally go for the chicken or vegie but they only had carne last night which is mince. We also ordered cantro cervasa (not sure about the spelling but it is 4 beers). Awesome food for our cold starving bodies!

This morning I had a spanish lession with a cute local boy which was great from my confidence and I have been speaking a little bit of spanish with locals and the hostel staff ever since. I am so proud of myself even though I am only saying a few things I finally feel here. Spanish for me is a very hard language to grasp as in NZ we don´t form or vowels the same way.

The wind came up this afternoon and it has been stormy so I have just chilled out for most of the day today, mediating, reading and napping. We are going to have pizza soon made by my spanish teacher from scratch - can´t wait!! YUM

I am feeling a little frustrated today and grumpy. Frustrated with my lack of Spanish, frustrated with the lack of space at the hostel, frustrated that I am not more wowed by Argentina, frustrated that I can be too niave and expect countries to be different than they are! Also I still feel a little unsafe and angry at what happen the other day, it will pass with time i hope.

So far I am dissapointed with Argentina aethetically. The people are very plain and the two cities I have seen are big, dirty cities, with nothing attractive about them. This is pretty rare for me as usually I like something or everything about most of the places in the world I have visited.

Later this week I am off to Salta (the last city I will visit in Argentina) then I go to one city in Chile and then Bolivia. Hopefully I will feel more alive and passionate about these places! I also have been hearing rave reports about Columbia so have decided to stay a month there before returning to NY.

We are going to go on a vineyard tour tomorrow and so far the wine here is amazing so that should be fun.

So 14 hour bus ride overnight and I slept for 10 hours! Usually I can´t sleep sitting but was so shattered after partying too much in Buenos! The French boy was so cute and I miss him already but am done fitting my life around men!

Mendoza seems pretty cool so far, it is more peaceful and smaller which Bjorn and I like already it was time for a rest!

We walked around all day and my body felt like it was made from rocks it´s definately different backpacking at 33 than when I did it when I was 23! It is colder here and the bloody merino isn´t doing much, just gotta keep walking to keep walm

All good not much else to write x