I have finally been living my dream of traveling for months, truely amazing! I am whole again, more confident, truely happy for the first time in years, content and relaxed. Yes I still have insurities and dislikes within myself but I have also spent so much time thinking through what´s important and how much these dislikes matter. What really does matter?

Society´s developement has allowed us to hide behind fancy clothes, cars, gadgets and people are less and less real. Travelers are generally not these kinds of people and being surrounded with inspired, relaxed, excited people has been a real relief. I also think by the time I get home after 5 months I will be ready and hopefully keep with me a lot of what I have learned. Simple stuff - love yourself, be nice to yourself, money isn´t important, working should be enjoyed not endured, time out is necessary, Laser eye surgery will make my life nicer, good friends and family are always a blessing, travel should happen often, any man I meet and go out with should actually make me happy without too much compromise, be giving, kind, relaxed, confortable with himself and like me for me with out trying to change me. I don´t need a man but a good one will make my life and his more rewarding. Certainly I want children but don´t want to be a desperate cougar in order to achieve this.

Everyone I meet traveling can´t believe that I am 33 and think I am 26-28 which is actually around the age I feel. So time I guess is irrelivant. One day my dream of meeting someone truely wonderful will be realized he just hasn´t found me yet and hey I haven´t been ready for him either! This journey to one of the most difficult continents in the world has been something I have needed just for me, my way…

Loved Cartahegna and Tyrona even though the trek in was sweaty, really muddy and hard work after so little exercise….it was wicked sleeping in a hammock with a full moon and no lights. It feels stange to be off soon but I will be ready for Italy.

went on a local bus today to the centre, all the locals make sure they know where you have to get off and tell the bus boys who basically collect the money, recruit passengers and tell the driver when to stop. You pay one flat fee and can hop on and of where ever you like  for about 50cUS which is great. Santa Marta isn´t very pretty and there isn´t a lot to see but the hostel is wicked and very chilled.

I have to tell you about my experience on my first Columbian overnight bus. The guy in front of me was snorting coke most of the night he was high as a kite. I was a little worried as there was only me (sitting behind him) and two other locals ladies sitting at the front of the bus. They have police checks everywhere, they pull you all off the bus and check it and your ID. Thank god they didn´t stop our bus. what a nutter!!

Also the locals don´t sweat here at all they wear jeans and often look twice at you when you are pooring with sweat. lucky buggers. there are motobike taxis here two where you jump on the back and it cost less than a taxi. Loved the guy I saw in the rain wearing a rubbish bag like a vest over his t-shirt very in-genius!

They all know where NZ is een though half of America doesn´t!! Guess it is cause we travel here.

not much else going on really just relaxin….

One guy came up very close behind me and said in my ear, give me money… shocked I said no and he said yes and then we bolted! He was obviously homeless which was weird because he spoke English which is still pretty rare here. after some crazy food at a few local greasy hot spots we cruised into a bakery, big mistake! We found what we now call the ball or Pascal. Amongst all the other cakes we spotted these huge white balls. I looked at them and thought we gotta try one of those even though we were both full, then Blanca said shall we try one and I was like hell yes!! OMG my life is not the same, it was amazing, it took us most of the day and night to finish it because it was so sweet and so huge but hey you only live once! It was a round muffin with caramel sauce (they make here and put into and on everything), with creme icing and coconut sprinkles on the outside, it was as big as your hand and weighs a ton.

Her and I partied with a few gals from the hostel last night. We are all traveling alone and we had a blast dancing up a storm with the local boys. They are very friendly here, perhaps sometimes too friendly.

We caught a taxi for about 20 minutes to the Equador border got our stamps then walked across to the Columbian border to get more stamps, then got another taxi to the terminal in the first town in Columbia where I am now, I won´t grace you with my spelling of it as I am not staying anyway. the girls were amazing. I really needed some company as am still struggling with the language barrier and wanted to get it all over with as quickly as possible. I have been waiting about 2 hours and have 1 hour more and then I am off on a bus for 20 hours to Medellin where I will catch up with a US girl I met in Mancora at the beach resort hostel. She is awesome and the town is surposed to be amazing. She is pretty much doing to same trip as me so hope to hang at the beach again after Medellin at Cartahegna (again my spelling is total crap!!) and then Santa Manta go more beach time woop woop!

I wrote some more shit down while trying not to fall asleep on the bus today. All buses are renound for tourists backpack stealing on the bus, but local one´s are worse!

Things I won´t miss about the Continent…really hot buses with windows that locals refuse to open and when you do they glare at you, people next to me taking up their seat and half of mine as if I am not hot enough! Being stared at and bumped everywhere, my tummy always being sick, woman wearing clothes that are way too tight for them, the constant noise, not being able to drink water when I am travelling as fuck all toilet opportunties especially with a backpack on my own!!

Some things I will miss…the sun, the people who go out of their way to help me, the amazing local dress, the scenery, the fact that anything is possible at anytime anywhere - transport, food, phone calls, internet. Living cheaply the accomodation is so cheap and really clean and comfortable mostly. the crazy music (but mostly I hate it because it is too loud), the amazing sweets…

Can´t wait to lie down, hope to sleep on the bus as I have no book I finished it. Fucken hard to get English books in book exchange, some towns are great others suck. Also it is two books for one or one book and you pay - only in the continent, they don´t understand that a book exchange is one for one!!!!

chao

I have always known I was brave and younger looking than I am, comfortable in most situations and understanding a small amount of what I going on around me. But I am growing more comfortable with silence and even more situations. However I have discovered that I am not as outgoing when it comes to meeting travelers as I thought. At home sure but here usually I find I stare and they either say hello or stare back. Everytime I think, Fuck I should have said hi but I don´t  I am not sure why. Everyone loves a confident friendly traveller.

I am also claming up a lot when it comes to Spanish as i still think I sound silly but they just want you to try. It is getting worse because I  have had locals laugh at me and get annoyed by me being foreign. A lot stare especially as I am a woman travelling on her own and not married, but hey people give me shit about that in my own country at my age!

Some locals are amazingly friendly and go outta their way to be nice and that keeps me going. I think when I leave in a month and go to Italy I will be ready. I am so sick of worrying about all my stuff and having to lock up all the time! Its all part of it I guess but when I get to Italy then I will be at my sisters house so I can relax.

Here are the things I wrote yesterday on another long bus ride, the things that are truely from this continent only…

Buses, they drive very fast, they are crowded with locals and hawkers selling everything from fried banana chips to yogurt to DVD´s. The music and movies are really loud, they stop on the side of the streets and yell out their destinations and gather passengers along the way. Locals stand for hours - 6,7.  there are often no toilets and they don´t stop, If there is a toilet you can´t do a number 2.

other memories… Everything is loud here, horns, music, people. Things are either really clean or very dirty. The meat, cheese and yogurt are often not refigerated I would die if I ate some of the meat here! it is very hot or very cold all the time and yet the locals wear the same clothes day and night! there are dogs everywhere, lot´s of scarey one´s especially since I haven´t had a rabies shot! There is awesome street art, hot chocolate´s with hot milk and real chocolate. You are never short of a snack and everything has sugar in it even the water. Everything is slow or late. There are hamocks, italian food, cheap beer, cigarettes, rubbish, dog poo, construction and continental breakfasts everywhere. At happy hour and all drinks taste like rocket fuel, I am off Mohijos! They have mazing cakes, icecream, fruit, fresh juice, avocados, weaving - hats, gloves, scarfs, rugs, bracelets. Clean toilets with paper and soap and really dirty toilets with nothing. No accident compensation. cheap taxis and slow sad computers but wifi everywhere!

People here marry, work non-stop and breed. Tourists are both despised and worshiped….

I am the only person in the world who has put on weight while still having diarrhea!! My trousers are so tight and I didnt realise because I have been at the beach and not wearing trousers! I thought I must have lost weight as most nights I just had fruit salad for dinner and was eating less in general as it was so hot. The second reason is it is cold again, I miss the heat, bring on Colombia!

Mancora was wonderful, funny because some people didnt like it but then everyone wants different things outta travelling. I shared a room with mostly Israeli boys, three in particular who were loads of fun. One smoked Pot non stop in our room which was kinda funny because he kept getting warnings and got told he would have to go to the principals office if he got caught again. He also got bitten by a dog, it didnt pierce the skin but we made him go to the doctor and he had to have 5 days of Rabies injections. They gave them to him in the stomach and were very painful but cheap at $1USD per shot!

One guy who was very drunk got kicked out for breaking the dorm door  - know one knows how he did it as the door was open! He got his credit card confiscated and told to come back tomorrow for it and to pay the damages, he was so trashed he tried to tell them that they had no evidence, bloody funny!

Most days it was sun, people drinking, activites usually involving drinking games, dress up parties, shared meals and meal specials, swimming and lots of drugs if you wanted them. The bar was open day and night till around 2am and the music was loud and so were the travelers. But hey you could usually find a hammock or a lounger to sleep on in the day if you missed out on sleep at night. It was a bloody good time and i caught up with some traveling buddies and made some new ones, i miss it already.

Like everywhere though there were tourist muggings. There was one area on the beach you couldnt go because there were men with ski masks and either guns or knives which is pretty freaky. Also tourist got robbed at the beach bars at night. I just stayed away from these areas.

Banos is pretty good so far, a smallish town with not much to do accept extreme sports (which I dont part take in), soak in the hot springs or get a massage or pedicure. They have amazing leather here so am trying not to buy every bag, bracelet and necklace in sight as it is so cheap. Next I am going to head to Otavalio where there is an amazing market so have to make sure I have some cash for that too!!

I met a girl who had an amazing tattoo that she go here so am going to check out his work, even though I said never again! I am not sure if it is wise to get one here anyway as like every town in the continent things dont look too clean!

The trip here was interesting… one bus from Mancora to Guayaquil Equador which took 8 hours overnight. I had decided not to stay there as there didn´t seem to be anything I wanted to see and from what I saw of the locals at the terminal I made a good choice. They looked bored or sad.  Then from there I tooK a local bus to Banos. When I say local I mean very local. some people stared as usual some ignored and others seemed not to notice me. There was lot´s of crazy small, dirty towns that we drove through and in general the locals who got on seemed a lot happier than the ones in Guayaquil. Then after 7 or so hours the man told me to get off and rushed me to another local bus that was actually going to Banos. I spent another hour on this one with two locals laughing at me trying to speak Spanish and staring, I wanted to smack them out. I made a face at one and then thought better of starting a war. When I arrived here I wasn´t convinced apart from the amazing hills and green bush that surounds the town I thought it looked small, dirty, poor and lifeless. But after a shower and some food, a market wander and a sleep I have changed my mind. Hey it´s not action packed for me as i am not doing rafting or bundgy jumping but it has some good food and some nice people.

Fuck these trousers are tight!! Have to go on the salad fruit diet I think!!

I have been traveling with a friend and there are pros and cons. The pros I am never lonely, he speaks spanish and we get along pretty well. The cons I am never alone, we don´t want the same things from our trip and we have to compromise. I can´t decide which is better. It´s all part of it, just hard when you are both trying to get the trip you want.

I am shattered. Off on the bus tonight but not till 11pm and still have 3 hours without a room trying not to spend too much money. will crash out once i get on the bus but then we arrive at 5am and I will have no room till 1pm. At least I will be able to leave my bags at the hostel and try to find some breakfast. Not much open here early tho, more open at night time!

all good though as loving my life right now, so happy I have taken this time for me.

I am totally over all sickness and loving things again. I have broken SA not the other way around!! Trying to curb the eating in-fact as have been munching everything in site and off to some beach towns next to get some sun and surf - yes! I am going to stay at a sister hostel of the one I am at now and it looks like a party resort by the sea with a pool, will stay about a week I think. I deserve it after so much cold weather. Off to get a wax soon which is well overdue. Always interesting when you don´t speak the same language!

Traveling alone certainly gives you a lot of time to think. I have had long periods of time not speaking as I have know one to talk to. I have realized what is really important to me and what I want next in my life. I am going to go home and work in NZ or Aussie for 6-8mths and learn French. Then I am going to go and try to work in advertising in France. Hopefully meet my future husband in Aussie or France. I would also like to start to pay off and decorate my apartment. Hopefully I will earn Euros to do this. If I can´t work in France I will spend 2-3months traveling around it instead.

Wicked!!xx

I also realized today that the breakup wounds are healing, it has been so long but I have still spent time on this trip crying, being angry and sad about my relationship having to end. I feel much more secure in the fact that we were not ment for each other and am so glad we went our separate ways. I am almost over it, thank god! I definitely need a distraction boy or two.

I have been through hell and back with my body on this trip and have had to try to let go and deal with almost every situation possible. I have been wondering why everything has been so impossible? Why it has been so hard. Then it was something my mother said when I feel at my sickest that helped me to figure it out. Maybe I really have to let it all just happen, not try to judge or change anything because I can´t. Embrace it. I wanted to really get to know myself on this trip to let go of any sort of control, possessions, restrictions, to be truly authentic. I am slowly doing this and things have turned around for me.

The Prada´s breaking was what broke the back of it for me…I cried as I realized that they may be totally smashed and I don´t have my script on me. I was surround by locals in a taxi speaking very little Spanish. They were so kind. Then I almost laughed out loud, what the #### were the chances that this could even happen?? But hey I have contacts, I have my eyes, I can fix the glasses.

The train from Machu was amazing, such beautiful scenery, a river, rocks, mountains….

I am thinking about changing my plans. I will do Machu Picchu and then there is another town in southern Peru I would like to see and then I may try to travel as quickly as I can into Columbia and go back to NY earlier. I might then fly from NY to Italy to meet up with my sister. I will have to really watch my pennies to do this but I love Italy and I will be walm, have amazing food I can eat and some rest which I so crave. It seems crazy to keep spending money on a trip that I am not going to get much more out of. I crave human company and imagined more rest and freedom during my travels. Perhaps I picked the wrong trip for that and again that is because I am quite Nieve. I don´t regret any of it and SA has been amazing but maybe I have had enough…Maybe just because everyone else raves so much doesn´t mean I have to stick it out. I don´t see it as a failure merely practical. I have never been a sheep anyway..

Anything could change but at them moment this seems like the best option to me. I will have to move two flights and spend money on another airfare. I will also be spending Euros but I think I can live fairly cheaply with my sister and will get some more exercise which I miss but you need to be able to breathe to exercise!!