the ex is hanging around
Why is it that when you break up you have to go through so many stages afterwards?
The I am beside myself and am going to cry at any minute stage, the life is pretty bad but I am just holding it together, the I am not a complete emotional reck, the I am feeling better but still running though everything in my mind stage, the f*** I feel much better stage, the f*** I feel even better stage but I can’t quite get him out of my thoughts stage, the I am sick of the sound of my own voice talking about getting over him but I am still not sure I want to bang into him stage.
This is where I am now…
I have been dreaming about him but the dreams are empowering ones. I have been imagining banging into him, seeing his friends and feeling prangs of jealousy when they talk about how he has lost weight and how they had a great night out with him.
But I don’t want him back, I don’t miss him and he needed to loose weight so all good - why the jealousy, the anxious feeling when I think about seeing him? Why am I still avoiding his favourite hang outs even though I would like to hang out there too?
If I am brutally honest it is because he would make me feel nervous, why? Because he always wants to make him self better than everyone else, I feel like he will saying something to make me feel small. I am feeling so good without him I don’t want to be made to feel small - why should I? But he doesn’t own Auckland I have my right to go out - right? I am looking and feeling fabulous so I am going to own it! I am going to go out to his favourite hang out in 1.5 weeks and enjoy myself !
I hope, fingers crossed!
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