OMG where do I start
Times have changed big time.
I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years, 1 month ago and am still learning how to live in my new/old life. It was 100% the best thing for me. turns out he was pretty controlling, drunk and cruel. Took me a while to figure it all out but I am so glad I did. Funny how love is blind.
Yes of course there were good times and I now miss those but there were far too many bad.
So many thoughts have been kicking around in my brain since…
How did I get myself into such a distructive relationship? Why, there are a lot of why questions….why was he so controlling, why does he drink too much, why did I put up with even half of it, why hasn’t he tried to get help, why is he so scared, why go out with someone you want to control, why couldn’t he be a man once and say I fucked up I love you, why did he let me down, why is life so cruel?
If those are the cons these are the pros. I feel a sense of relief, I love my new flat and feel more at home here than I did the whole time I was living in his flat, I have loads more sun and friends in my life, my friends, my way, I have a life of happiness ahead, I am looking forwards and I am excited about what might be around the corner, I am in charge of my destiny, I am much happier already, I am stronger, braver if that is possible…
I have amazingly hopeful, fun days and I have terribly bad grieving days but I am happy and feel peace. Fuck life is tough but I wouldn’t change a thing you only get one life, one chance.
A few lines from my new fav artist Gin:
Ranbows, lollypops and love
would you wait, would you hold one for me, would you wait here for me…..
I know there is one man waiting out there someone special, romantic, someone who wants me to shine my way xxxxxxxxx
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