My Ramble

Things seem to have settled down with the boy and I. I now no how much he cares for me and I for him. How much we want it to work and don’t want to upset each other. It’s about communication and not over analysing for me. Relationships are difficult and sometimes I wonder why the world works this way. I guess it was a lot easier in the beginning when people had less choices in their lives. There is almost too much choice now. I choose happiness and desire and have to keep my fingers crossed. Crossed because I believe what you put in you should get back and I give 150% all the time. 

So after much deliberation and many thoughts going around around in my mind I came to the conclusion that no relationship is easy. As long as I look out for myself, making sure I live my life my way I will get through and be happy. I need to put myself first and make time for what I want in my life. As soon as it is not working for me I will forgo the relationship. I am my own master.We have made up. The great, happy reasons that keep us together are: neither one of us actually want to fight, we love each other and when we are sober our life together is great. We only argue when we are really drunk, no more alcohol you say? Not really an option as we love our life the way it is and have great fun partying - we are Kiwi’s after all!!  Thank god I have my blog! 

By boyfriend and I fight a bit when we are drunk. They can get quite heated and we both say things we don’t mean. He says horrible things and refuses to listen to my side of the story and then always kicks me out saying “it is too hard, I am over it!” When I wake up the next day I feel terrible for three reasons. One I realize that we had another aggressive, stupid argument. Two I feel like we are over and he has dumped me because of the nasty things he has said. Three I realize that AGAIN it will be me texting or calling him to sort it out and forcing a chat.The REALLY scary thing is that I know he won’t call me. He has even admitted that he knows I will call. How selfish! Aren’t you supposed to give in a relationship, to support your girlfriend who you say you love? Why? Why should I be the one to fix it? Why do we have stupid arguments? When we are not arguing and sober we adore each other. He spoils me and we have a very happy, healthy relationship. Why the intense power struggle when we are drunk?Why do I have to constantly go through this? To wake up feeling shitty and unwanted to wonder if he will bother to call of I will break again? God knows this time I am not going to break but does this mean that he won’t call and will throw our relationship away? That would be pathetic! 

Not much really. Work has got better, thank god. I made a decision to only do as much as I can, not tire myself out too much and relax, have a giggle more. Love is still grand, Tom is great fun and very attentive. Seems so funny that it works so well after only 4-5 mths. We are off to a posh dinner in August and I have an amazing dress and am getting my make-up done, can’t wait to be gorgeous!!Still working out a bit, working on my business and hanging with friends. My trip is coming up so soon and am getting excited. that’s all folks!  

I am doing some of the best work of my career, in love, happy, healthy and feeling very pleased to have go into the housing market. I am off to Sydney and India this year too! My business is going along slowly but still ticking away.It all seems so unreal after the stress, strain and subsequent pain I went through at the end of my living in Sydney and coming back to Auckland. I never want to feel that bad again!Things feel magical but when things are so good I can’t help but worry some storm cloud in on the horizon… Chin up time to sit back and enjoy I have worked really hard and been waiting for the really happy times

It’s funny how something’s in life are magnified so much you loose track of what is really important. It happens so quickly that sometime’s it takes a while to notice. 

I try to make sure this doesn’t happen as I want to have the life I deserve.

What’s really important to me:
Trust
Loyalty
Being adored
Family
Travel
Fun
Health
Love
Exercise
Eating well

What takes preference when it often shouldn’t work, eating badly, bad restless sleeps…

It is also interesting to me how people behave and what they expect from others. Some use others to enhance their lives in good ways and some not always in the most honest They achieve freedom and gain recognition from other peoples efforts. They are promoted and work less because they choose to be a delegator and are good at saying the right thing. Often they talk the talk and don’t walk the walk. 

Everyone has their place I guess like the working bee’s or ant’s. I am just not always happy with my place in the chain. I struggle and fight to be somewhere in the middle but sometime’s I wonder if there is a middle road…

So wow it has been ages since I had time to write on the site, so much is happening.
My new relationship is going really well. I had always believed that there was one right person for everyone and when you found them you would fit really well together and it would naturally be easy and right. I stopped believing this a few years ago because I decided that maybe it was time to grow up and stop fantasying about meeting the one. I took the life is hard, no-one around me seems right for each other and they are married so that must be the way it goes approach. Well I was wrong, he is the one and it feels so right. Yes we are both very head strong and yes we have some nasty arguments but we are very happy and learning to work together and appreciate each other. I now understand how some people meet , get married, have babies and just want to be with each other in such a short space of time. 

This doesn’t mean I didn’t love my ex loads but we just weren’t the right fit. - Tony I still care for you loads and hope you find you right gal…

The new job is going well too very different and still advertising but you can’t have everything, can ya?

My business plan is ticking a long, slowly but surely.

I have started taking life more as it comes, drinking what and when I like, not working out as much, eating out loads and buying lunch. Which has effected my budget but strangely has the opposite effect on my waistline! It might have something to do with all the action I am getting! Life is good, but not too good, just what I deserve! xx

Things are going really well. I had a massive, fun weekend with some old and new friends. The bf is going really well and I can’t believe how well we get on and how easy it is to be together. I have met quite a few of his friends now and he has met some of mine and my family. They all love him and all his lot love me, so that makes life even easier.I have started my new job and that is going well, very different but it is growing on me and should be a great career move.My apartment is the same gorgeous place it has always been.My business might take off this year let’s hope so.  So life is good, all I really need is some more sleep, but you can’t have everything! 

So have an exciting April coming up. Final bridesmaid fitting this week, then the hen’s night. Wedding in 3 weeks time, will be so pretty I won’t know myself!  I have a new exciting job which I start on the 21st April, not looking forward to being the new gal AGAIN. However I  have heard from people who have worked with my new boss that he is great and very welcoming!   BF going well, a litttle too well it is scaring me. Must be getting old. Usually would just jump right into a new relationship but am actually feeling a little nervous. Not ready to be hurt again if it doesn’t work out, weird for me! Still very happy in the now. He is meeting my friends and some family of mine on Weds so must be serious!!  

So went to my new BF’s birthday drinks with his friends. It was a lot of fun, they were lovely and seemed to really like me too, so all good. Had a chilled out day yesterday, breakfast with more friends to meet, DVD, nap and late lunch in Ponsonby road then home to housework, design work and an early night. Great weekend - he has gotten over my mini freak out Friday night and I trust him, he has made a commitment to me and that is all I can ask, the rest is up to him now.